Sunday, October 18, 2009

The Funniest Stand-up Comedy

Lately, I've been listening to more and more comedy.

I love to laugh, and I consider humor to be a valid source of intellectual stimulation as well as a great survival tool.

I also love to procrastinate via list-making. So, here's my list of the comedy bits that really tickle me from my current collection. Add more in the comments!

Adam Ferrara - In the Name of God
Adam Ferrara - Exquisite Anger
Adam Ferrara - Karma
Andi Smith - Larry Flint
Andy Andrist - Earth First
Bill Burr - Rednecks
Bill Burr - War Protest
Bill Burr - The South
Bill Burr - The Platform
Bill Burr - Oprah
Bill Burr - Population Problem
Bill Burr - Hitler
Bill Burr - Fast Food Conspiracy
Bill Burr - F***ed Up Thoughts
Bill Burr - Muffins
Bill Cosby - Brain Damage
Bill Cosby - Chocolate Cake
Bill Cosby - Genesis
Bill Cosby - The Great Quote
Bill Cosby - The Window Of Life
Bill Cosby - Noah: Right!
Bill Cosby - Noah: And the Neighbor
Bill Cosby - Noah: Me And You, Lord
Bill Hicks - Easter
Bill Hicks - Gideons
Bill Hicks - Orange Drink
Bill Hicks - Odd Beliefs
Bill Hicks - The Sanctity of Life
Brian Dykstra - F**k Texas
Brian Posehn - Religion's Weird
Brian Regan - You Too & Stuff
Brian Regan - Stupid In School
Brian Regan - Log Trucks
Brian Regan - Blasting Zone
Brian Regan - Kids Party Games
Brian Regan - Spider Webs & Bees
Brian Regan - Health Club Stuff
Brian Regan - Elevators & Faces
Brian Regan - Dog Barking
Bob Newhart - Driving Instructor
Bob Newhart - Retirement Party
Bob Newhart - Rocket Scientist
Bob Newhart - Introducing Tobacco to Civilization
Bob Newhart - The Cruise of the U.S.S. Codfish
Chris Rock - O.J., I Understand
Chris Rock - My Favorite Joke
Christian Finnegan - How is This My Fault?
Christian Finnegan - Alaska Is Not an Island
Christian Finnegan - High Dance Threshold
Christian Finnegan - Song Terrorism
Christian Finnegan - If You Don't Have Any 'I.D.'...
Christian Finnegan - Office People (and a Perfectly Good Font Joke)
Christian Finnegan - Bed Skirts, Robot Vacuums, and Bad Financial Planning
Christian Finnegan - The Birds and the Bees
Christopher Titus - If You've Never Thought of Suicide
Christopher Titus - Inner Idiot
Christopher Titus - Crazy Makes You Crazy
Christopher Titus - Our First Date
Christopher Titus - The Ceiling Fan Incident
Christopher Titus - English Batman
Craig Ferguson - Plastic Surgery
Craig Ferguson - Birthing Classes
Craig Shoemaker - Talking Computers
Craig Shoemaker - Stepdogs
Dan Cummins - Jesus, Idaho and Misunderstandings
Dan Cummins - Revenge Is Near
Dan Cummins - Scientology
Dan Cummins - Plans for America
Dan Naturman - Internet Dating
Dan Naturman - At The Bookstore
Dan Naturman - Family Dysfunction
Dana Gould - Genetically Speaking
Dana Gould - Let's Argue!
Dane Cook - Bathroom
Dane Cook - Pranks
Dane Cook - My Son Optimus Prime
Dane Cook - Robe
Daniel Tosh - Mind Of A Sleeping Man
Daniel Tosh - I Heart Dave
Daniel Tosh - Please Light Me
Danny Bevins - Holes
Danny Bevins - Full Circle
Danny Bevins - Sell Freedom
Danny Bevins - Color of Water
Danny Bevins - The Mantis Ain't Gay
Danny Bevins - Laugh Like a Child
Dat Phan - Missing Mother's Day
David Cross - My Wife's Crazy! (Flagwaving)
David Cross - Monica Lewinsky And The Three Bears (The Redneck Voice)
Demetri Martin - Some Jokes
Denis Leary - A*****e
Doug Benson - Three Legged Cat
Doug Benson - Boo and Hiss
Doug Stanhope - Wisdom
Doug Stanhope - Live For Your Sins
Dov Davidoff - Israel, Bus Stop, and a 2-Ply
Dov Davidoff - Big T*****s, Glitter, and 'Don't Assume'
Dov Davidoff - I Judge People, God, and Ray Charles
Dov Davidoff - Love, Magnum, and Mood Lighting
Drew Hastings - Regarding Children
Drew Hastings - Sexual Matters and My Girlfriend
Eddie Ifft - No War for Toner
Eddie Ifft - Has Anyone Seen My Baby
Eddie Izzard - Philosophies with Strange Ideas
Eddie Izzard - The Crusades
Eddie Izzard - Jesus in Religions, Pt. 1
Eddie Izzard - Jesus in Religions, Pt. 2
Eddie Izzard - Greeks
Eddie Izzard - World War II
Eddie Izzard - Jesus and Man
Eddie Izzard - The Future
Eddie Izzard - The Deathstar Canteen
Eddie Izzard - Best Laid Plans
Eddie Izzard - Being European
Eddie Izzard - Romans
Eddie Izzard - Handshakes
Eddie Izzard - Being Cool
Eddie Izzard - James Bond
Eddie Izzard - Einstein
Eddie Izzard - American Dream
Eddie Izzard - Empire
Eddie Izzard - Stonehenge
Eddie Izzard - Church of England
Eddie Izzard - Scooby Doo
Eddie Izzard - The Tyranny of Ducks
Eddie Izzard - The River Styx
Eddie Izzard - Mystic Hopscotch
Eddie Izzard - Six Million Dollar Queen
Eddie Izzard - Do You Think I'm Sexy
Eddie Izzard - Deus Ex Machina
Eddie Izzard - They Lie to Us
Eddie Izzard - Hell In a Shower
Eddie Izzard - The Flight of the Volkswagen
Eddie Izzard - I've Got a Bad Feeling
Eddie Izzard - Death By Chocolate
Eddie Izzard - Afghanistan
Eddie Izzard - Shouting In English
Eddie Izzard - Transvestites
Eddie Izzard - Does He Eat Crisps?
Eddie Izzard - Religion
Eddie Izzard - Birds
Eddie Izzard - Fish & Goats & Swimming
Eddie Izzard - Armageddon
Eugene Mirman - The Right Stuff
Eugene Mirman - Revolve (The Complete New Testament In the Form of a Teen Magazine)
Felicia Michaels - Construction Workers (Can Bite Me)
Felicia Michaels - Speaking in Tongues
Felicia Michaels - Chunk-O-P***y
Felicia Michaels - Honeycombs
George Carlin - I Used to Be Irish Catholic
George Carlin - Special Dispensation - Heaven, Hell, Purgatory and Limbo
George Carlin - Heavy Mysteries
George Carlin - Offensive Language
George Carlin - Some People Are Stupid
George Carlin - Don't Pull The Plug On Me
George Carlin - I Used to Be Irish Catholic
George Carlin - Fear Of Germs
George Carlin - Religion
George Carlin - Euphemisms
Graham Chittenden - The Fear of God, Museums
Greg Behrendt - Chicken Situation
Greg Giraldo - WWJD / Priests / Pope / Wal-Mart / Penguins
Greg Giraldo - SUV / Fat Kids / Suing McDonalds / Dreammakers / Burned G******s
Greg Giraldo - Monkeypox / Osama / Bird Flu
Greg Giraldo - Terrorism
Greg Giraldo - Dyslexic Luger / Civil War Letters / Kids / Baby In River
Greg Proops - Psychochristians & Halloween
Greg Proops - Donuts
Greg Proops - Women's Organs
Greg Proops - The Decider
Greg Proops - Clinton and Perspective
Greg Warren - Work Hard, Play Hard
Greg Warren - West Point
Henry Cho - We Need to Talk
Henry Cho - Gotta Communicate
Henry Cho - The Way Women Talk
Henry Cho - You Don't Have Two Quarters?
Jeff Garlin - Caulk, F***er
Jeff Garlin - F*** You Old Man
Jeff Garlin - Baron Von Cream
Jen Kirkman - Afraid of God and the Devil
Jen Kirkman - Zombies vs. Ghosts
Jerry Seinfeld - Florida
Jerry Seinfeld - Men and Women
Jerry Seinfeld - Scuba Diving
Jerry Seinfeld - Sky Diving / The Helmet
Jerry Seinfeld - Clothing
Jerry Seinfeld - Horses
Jim Gaffigan - Camping
Jim Gaffigan - Bacon
Jim Gaffigan - Ribs and Bologna
Jim Gaffigan - Almost Heaven
Jim Gaffigan - Fast Food
Jim Gaffigan - Waffle House
Jimmy Carr - Girlfriends
Jimmy Carr - Book of Correspondence
Jimmy Dore - Ronald Reagan
Jimmy Dore - Freedom of Speech
Jimmy Dore - Love It or Leave It
Jimmy Dore - Terror Terror
Jimmy Dore - Fascism
Jimmy Dore - Nancy Pelosi
Jimmy Dore - Hegemony
Jimmy Dore - Log Cabin Republicans
Jimmy Dore - Health Insurance
Jimmy Dore - Dick Cheney
Jimmy Shubert - From Democracy To Hypocrisy
Jimmy Shubert - Bovine Intervention
John Bowman - Hope Springs In Turtles
John Bowman - Yog
John Bowman - Ford Truck Man
John Bowman - Ninety Percent Of Your Brain
John Bowman - Crappy Movies
John Heffron - Won't Make You Wait
John Heffron - Dumb Dad?
John Heffron - Haircut scizzorhands
John Heffron - Flinchy
John Heffron - That Head Scares Me
John Mulaney - You Know Who's a Great Lady?
John Mulaney - Math and King Solomon
John Mulaney - The Salt and Pepper Diner
Jonathan Katz - New York City
Jonathan Katz - Marriage and the Law
Karen Williams - Power & Cash Flow Nap Time
Karen Williams - Human Beings
Karen Williams - Friends Drugs
Karen Williams - Therapy
Karen Williams - Vegetarians Smokers
Kathleen Madigan - 68 States
Kathleen Madigan - Weather
Kathleen Madigan - Catholicism (Pope Hilarius)
Kathleen Madigan - Nessie/Aliens
Kathleen Madigan - Smoking
Kathleen Madigan - Natural Disasters
Kathleen Madigan - My Parents
Kathleen Madigan - Politics
Kathleen Madigan - Religion
Kathy Griffin - Cover Me
Kathy Griffin - Sturdy Germans & Pol***s
Kathy Griffin - Nervous Pills & Boxes of Wine
Kathy Griffin - Maya Angelou is Insufferable
Kyle Cease - The Virgin Maury, the Alien, and My Grandma
Kyle Cease - Cheating, Dreaming Old People Who Don't Shut Up
Kyle Grooms - Wearing Glasses
Kyle Grooms - Barack Obama
Laurie Kilmartin - Wild Stalker Love
Laurie Kilmartin - Banging a Russian
Laurie Kilmartin - The Second Amendment
Laurie Kilmartin - God Had a Drinking Problem
Lewis Black - This Moment
Lewis Black - My.......Virginity
Lewis Black - Xmas
Lewis Black - Xmas Halftime
Lewis Black - Chanooookah
Lewis Black - Chanukah
Lewis Black - Chanooookah
Lewis Black - A Great Headline
Lewis Black - Blueberry Pancakes
Lewis Black - TV News and Jerry Falwell
Lewis Black - One Nation Under God
Lewis Black - International Travel
Lewis Black - Greed
Lewis Black - Homeland Security
Lewis Black - Miami And Las Vegas
Lewis Black - F**k, New York, Los Angeles
Lewis Black - The Ozone, Sunblock, The Flu And Nyquil
Lewis Black - IHOP (The International House Of Pancakes)
Lewis Black - Heavens Gate
Lewis Black - The Impeachment
Lewis Black - Other Idiots From Arkansas
Lily Tomlin - The FBI
Lisa Landry - I Had to Marry Smart
Lisa Landry - Advice
Lisa Landry - All for Love
Lisa Landry - Best Laid Plans
Lisa Landry - My Lack of Sex Life
Lord Carrett - The Cycle of Bereavement
Louis CK - Half Dead
Louis CK - I Hate Deer
Louis CK - Girls & Women
Maggie Cassella - Bible Thumper Bumpers
Marc Maron - Lower Your Expectations
Marc Maron - Political Action
Marc Maron - Terrorism
Marc Maron - Fueled By Self Hate
Marc Maron - Life
Marc Maron - Being In Love
Marc Maron - The Older Man
Marc Maron - Yelling At Women
Marc Maron - Out Technologized, Over Informatised, Time Vats
Marc Maron - Yelling At Women
Margaret Smith - Medley: Anti-Depressants / Misery Loves Company / Therapy
Margaret Smith - Dick & Jane
Margaret Smith - Relationships / His & Hers Bathrooms
Margaret Smith - Padded Toilet Seat / Nice A*s
Margaret Smith - Shopping
Margaret Smith - I'm In Debt
Margaret Smith - The Gym
Margaret Smith - Shopping
Margaret Smith - Mammograms
Margaret Smith - Piercing
Margaret Smith - The Year of the Woman
Maria Bamford - Mom's Religion
Maria Bamford - Touched By an Angel
Maria Bamford - I Heart My Country
Maria Bamford - Mental Makeup
Maria Bamford - Competitive Living
Maria Bamford - TV
Maria Bamford - The-rapist
Maria Bamford - Alicia Keys
Maria Bamford - Depression
Maria Bamford - Dad
Maria Bamford - Sister Sarah
Maria Bamford - Arch Enemy from High School
Maria Bamford - My Sister
Maria Bamford - Learning
Maria Bamford - Wizard of Art
Maria Bamford - Mentor
Maria Bamford - Love Songs
Mark Gross - Sesame Street, Dive Bar
Mark Gross - Bowling Alley Bar
Mark Gross - Freaks And Weirdos
Mark Gross - Banking
Mark Gross - College, Student Loans
Mark Gross - Marriage, My Wife & Friends
Mark Gross - Camping, Family Road Trip
Mark Gross - Dad's Toenail, Mom's Tube Top
Mark Gross - Hunter
Mark Gross - Be Thankful, Animal Skins
Mark Gross - Love Is
Mark Gross - Alabama Airport
Mark Poolos - I Like to Say Things
Mark Poolos - Crazy Person Magnet
Mark Poolos - I Love Crazy Women
Mark Thomas - S***m Stuff / Pro-Lifers
Mark Thomas - Demos
Mark Thomas - Hard Work / Building Site
Mark Thomas - The War On Terror
Mark Thomas - The Excuses
Mark Thomas - Saddam Is a Tyrant
Mark Thomas - Reasons
Matt Braunger - Jesus On the Mount
Matt Braunger - Doors Whopper
Michael Loftus - Don't Mess With Texas
Michael Loftus - The Freeway Makes You Mean
Mike Lukas - Too Friendly In the Midwest
Mike Lukas - Security to the Pretzel Stand
Mike Lukas - First Kiss Like a Chicken
Mike Lukas - Women Love the Candles
Mike Lukas - The Empathy Noise
Mike Robles - Religion / Catholics, Baptists, and Da' Witnesses
Miles Jupp - Computer Game
Miles Jupp - New York
Milton Jones - Family
Milton Jones - Family Christmas
Milton Jones - War
Milton Jones - Police
Mitch Hedberg - Phil
Mitch Hedberg - Restaurants
Mitch Hedberg - Canal Smarts
Mitch Hedberg - Belt
Mitch Hedberg - Sandwiches
Mitch Hedberg - Teeth
Mitch Hedberg - Candy Bars
Mitch Hedberg - Pop
Mitch Hedberg - The Pipe
Mitch Hedberg - Sesame Seeds
Mitch Hedberg - Three Easy Payments
Mitch Hedberg - Arrows
Mitch Hedberg - X
Mitch Hedberg - Koalas
Mitch Hedberg - Highlights
Mitch Hedberg - You Were Good
Mitch Hedberg - Shaving Too
Mitch Hedberg - Minibar
Mitch Hedberg - Beret And Pancakes
Mitch Hedberg - Dry Clean Only
Mitch Hedberg - My Necklace
Mitch Hedberg - Lynn
Mitch Hedberg - Tomatoes
Mitch Hedberg - Cookies
Mitch Hedberg - Oatmeal
Mitch Hedberg - Frogs And Bears
Mitch Hedberg - Fire Exit
Mitch Hedberg - The Dufrenes
Monique Marvez - The Difference
Monique Marvez - Tap, Tap
Monty Python - Stoning
Monty Python - Revolutionaries In the Amphitheatre (Loretta)
Monty Python - What Have the Romans Ever Done for Us?
Monty Python - A Foul-Tempered Rabbit
Monty Python - Crunchy Frog
Monty Python - Dead Parrot
Mrs. Hughs - The Doctor's Office
Pablo Francisco - Cowboys
Patton Oswalt - America, The Retarded Trust Fund Kid
Patton Oswalt - The World's Most Amazing Father
Patton Oswalt - I Hate Hippies
Patton Oswalt - A Brief History Of Shitty Comedy
Patton Oswalt - Text
Patton Oswalt - Birth
Patton Oswalt - Orgy
Patton Oswalt - Lofty Thoughts
Patton Oswalt - Obama... and Time Travel... and Coolness... and the Last Racist
Patton Oswalt - Demons
Patton Oswalt - Sky Cake
Patton Oswalt - Grocery Robots
Patton Oswalt - America Has Spoken
Patton Oswalt - Bubble of Sanity
Patton Oswalt - Great Food Is Cooked By Psychos
Patton Oswalt - Death Bed
Patton Oswalt - Cirque du Soleil
Paul Curtis - Dating
Paul Curtis - President Bush
Paul Curtis - Call Centers
Paul F. Tompkins - Goth Girl
Paul F. Tompkins - I'm So Rich
Paul F. Tompkins - Sesame Street
Paul F. Tompkins - Cherry Picking
Paul F. Tompkins - Potato Famine
Paul Krassner - The Antichrist
Paul Krassner - Disorganized Religion
Pauly Shore - Group Therapy
Ralphie May - White People Gone Crazy
Ralphie May - White Trash
Ralphie May - Open Water
Ralphie May - Midgets
Ralphie May - Mentally Challenged Americans
Ralphie May - Tard Happy
Ralphie May - Tips for an Acid Trip
Ralphie May - Tripping With Mitchell
Ralphie May - Smoking Weed With Jesus
Ralphie May - Iraq, Terrorism and a Fury of Mullets
Ralphie May - Mullet Hunter
Ralphie May - Flip Flops
Ralphie May - Being Right vs. Being Happy
Ralphie May - Living With Tivo
Ralphie May - Lie Every Day
Ralphie May - Boobs
Ralphie May - Couture
Ralphie May - Favorite Gifts
Ralphie May - Work That Money
Rick Shapiro - God's an Idiot
Robert Schimmel - Swimming With a Dolphin
Robert Schimmel - Bargaining With God
Robin Williams - Utah
Robin Williams - Something Awful Is Going To Happen
Robin Williams - These Are Troubled Times My Friend
Robin Williams - Blair, Bush, Cheney, Ashcroft, A Dead Man And Lassie
Robin Williams - Crusade
Robin Williams - Joe, I'm Pregnant
Robin Williams - My One Question
Robin Williams - Marijuana
Ron White - Got' In a Little Trouble
Ron White - Tater Tot Goes to Europe
Ron White - The Town Stinks
Ron White - Heightened State of Awareness
Ron White - I Have a Great Idea
Ron White - All Things Scotch
Ron White - NASA Research
Ron White - Sunglasses
Ron White - Truth in Advertising
Ron White - Plane Crash
Ron White - Married a Wealthy Woman
Ron White - Landscaper
Ron White - Chocolate
Ron White - Truth in Advertising
Ron White - High School
Ron White - Cousin Ray
Ron White - Lug Nut Day
Ron White - They Call Me "Tater Salad"
Ron White - Cincinatti Chili
Ron White - You Can't Fix Stupid
Ron White - Grandma In Texas
Ross Noble - The Climber
Ross Noble - Dodgy Musical
Russell Peters - Speaking English
Russell Peters - Traveling In Vietnam
Russell Peters - Lost Luggage
Russell Peters - English Accents
Russell Peters - Arranged Marriage
Russell Peters - English Accents
Russell Peters - Half-white
Sabrina Matthews - Curing Homosexuality
Sabrina Matthews - Irony
Sabrina Matthews - Dressing Like a Girl
Sabrina Matthews - Kitty Confusion
Sabrina Matthews - Friends and Drugs
Sean Hughes - Matt & Diane
Sean Hughes - Wrong Friends and Family
Sean Hughes - Catholic Sex & Owls
Sean Hughes - French Art Movies
Sean Hughes - Kids
Sean Hughes - French Art Movies
Sean Hughes - Hare Krishna's In Ireland / IRA
Sean Hughes - Ex Girlfriends
Sean Hughes - U2
Sean Hughes - How I Feel (Poem)
Sean Hughes - Lets Stay In
Sean Rouse - God Hates Catchphrases
Sean Rouse - Way Too Young
Sean Rouse - Y'all Pick 'em!
Sebastian Maniscalco - Ipods
Sebastian Maniscalco - Digital Camera and Email
Sebastian Maniscalco - Hygiene
Sebastian Maniscalco - Disgusting People and Dogs
Steve Hofstetter - Lucifer Sam
Steve Hofstetter - Your Possible Pasts
Steve Hofstetter - Brain Damage
Steve Hofstetter - A Great Day for Freedom
Steve Hofstetter - Sheep
Steve Hofstetter - Us and Them
Steve Hofstetter - Facist Anarchists
Todd Barry - Posters
Todd Barry - Aries
Todd Barry - UPS
Todd Barry - Victoria's Secret Designer
Todd Barry - Stomach Flu
Todd Barry - Therapist
Todd Barry - Tull and Vega
Todd Barry - Australia
Todd Barry - Audiences At Fahrenheit 911
Todd Barry - Prairie Dogs, Sweet Soap
Todd Barry - Florida, Air Conditioning, Big Bookstores, K Mart in New York
Todd Barry - Sperm Bank Babies, Real World, MTV Diary, Behind the Music
Todd Barry - Check with Meal, Thanksgiving Dinner, Stealing Backpack
Todd Glass - Words
Todd Glass - Signs
Tom Papa - Where Are You Going?
Tom Papa - Astronaut
Tom Papa - Married
Tom Papa - Not Cool
Tom Shillue - Reunion
Tom Shillue - Chicken and Broccoli
Tom Shillue - Philadelphia
Tom Simmons - Israel Vs. Palestine
Tom Simmons - God and War
Tom Simmons - Technology
Tom Simmons - When Animals Attack
Tommy Johnagin - Not a Fighter
Tommy Johnagin - My Mom
Tommy Johnagin - Cats Are Walkers
Tommy Tiernan - Coffee In America
Tommy Tiernan - Sex & Alcohol
Tommy Tiernan - Toxic Optimism
Tommy Tiernan - Gun Club
Tommy Tiernan - Unfriendly Skies
Tommy Tiernan - How Would Jesus Vote?
Tommy Tiernan - Oh Lourdy
Tommy Tiernan - Tribes
Tommy Tiernan - Teethed Freaks
Tommy Tiernan - Hawk of a Woman

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Longing is a Friend

I used to think of longing as an enemy. In some ways, it's become an existential condition, and so I made a conscious decision to look at it from all directions.

I've decided that longing is actually more of a friend. It shows that I am drawn to cosmic love. It shows that I feel the distance between reality and the ideal, and long to overcome it. It "presences" that which is only partially actualized, and lets me live in a world infused with magic and meaning.

The first entrance into longing is love. Many of the mystics explain their experiences in terms of this love-longing. If you can't experience longing, you've never known separation from the beloved. I think that's why poets like Rumi so often employ the metaphors of sensual love to try to express the mystical communion and... its absence.

But the absence is a present absence. It becomes true absence only when it is cast out from the mind, heart and spirit - when it is covered over by the everyday, by the norm, by the inauthentic, by the "they" mentality. If you can feel longing for someone in their unique self-ness, then the avenue for love-communion is not closed.

Nice tongue-in-cheek version: You, Me and Dupree (2006) references to "-ness" throughout:

Dupree: "The point is, is somewhere along the road, you lost your magic. They knocked you off your game. Your Carlness went right out the window."
Carl: "What's with this 'Carlness'? It's not even a real word."
Dupree: "Yes, it is."
Carl: "Oh, it is?"
Dupree: "It's a verb. It's a conjunction, a preposition, it's a philosophy, a way of life. It's your name with 'ness' attached to it."

I heard a song recently that describes the longing in the kind of terms I'm thinking about lately. See if you like it.

Eels - The Longing (lyrics)