Thursday, April 23, 2009

Singin' in the Rain

Oh! Singing Green Day's "Holiday" on the back deck in the middle of a thunderstorm.

Very fun!!!

Hear the sound of the falling rain
Coming down like an Armageddon flame (Hey!)
The shame
The ones who died without a name

Hear the dogs howling out of key
To a hymn called "Faith and Misery" (Hey!)
And bleed
The company lost the war today

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning
of the rest of our lives
On holiday

Hear the drum pounding out of time
Another protester has crossed the line (Hey!)
To find
The money's on the other side

Can I get another Amen? (Amen!)
There's a flag wrapped around
a score of men (Hey!)
A gag
A plastic bag on a monument

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
On holiday

(Say, Hey!)

"The representative from California has the floor"

Zieg Heil to the president gasman!
Bombs away is your punishment!
Pulverize the Eiffel towers!
Who criticize your government!
Bang bang goes the broken glass, man!
Kill all the fags that don't agree!
Trial by fire, setting fires!
Is not a way that's meant for ME!
Just cause, just cause, just cause
because we're outlaws yeah!

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives

This is our lives on holiday

Sunday, April 19, 2009


Hugs. Smiles. Hands. Kisses. Cuddly Socks. Blankets. Toasted fluffernutters. Friendship. Frankincense burning - and nag champa. Fresh lilacs. A good book. Dinner conversation. Laughter. Wind through the trees. Moonlight everywhere, and sunlight on my belly. Twinkling eyes. Puns. Wandering.

Anything today... but a cigarette.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Happy Easter / Oestre / Ishtar

"Well I think the good book is missing some pages."

The naughtiest Easter song ever. Feel the word.

"Icicle" - Tori Amos

Icicle icicle
Where are you going
I have a hiding place
When spring marches in
Will you keep watch for me
I hear them calling
Gonna lay down
Gonna lay down

Greeting the monster in our easter dresses
Father says bow your head like the good book says
Well I think the good book is missing some pages
Gonna lay down
Gonna lay down

And when my hand touches myself
I can finally rest my head
And when they say take of his body
I think I'll take from mine instead

Getting off
Getting off
While they're all downstairs
Singing prayers
Sing away
He's in my pumpkin p.j.'s
Lay your book on my chest
Feel the word
Feel the word
Feel the word
The word feel it

I could have
I should have
I could have flown
You know I could have
I should have
I didn't.... so...

Icicle Icicle
Where are you going
I have a hiding place when spring marches in
Will you keep watch for me I hear them calling
Gonna lay down
Gonna lay down

Be Here Now

Hope. Faith. Caring.

Be Here Now.

Don't let your mind get weary and confused
Your will be still, don't try
Don't let your heart get heavy child
Inside you there's a strength that lies

Don't let your soul get lonely child
It's only time, it will go by
Don't look for love in faces, places
It's in you, that's where you'll find kindness

Be here now, here now
Be here now, here now

Don't lose your faith in me
And I will try not to lose faith in you
Don't put your trust in walls
'Cause walls will only crush you when they fall

Be here now, here now
Be here now, here now

- Ray Montagne

Friday, April 10, 2009

Thinking Things Through

The ability to think things through beams me on, but the process is sometimes almost unbearable.

When I'm thinking through a problem or a situation or a hypothetical or a thematic or...whatever... there are so many thoughts buzzing around me that I want to bat them all off. I want to put everything into binaries and force them into categories.

But I know better. My whole life has been an attempt to discover, and enact, the discipline of thinking the unthought, asking the unasked, complicating the easy judgment. To do this requires that I put everything I am on the line. I can't protect my favorite prejudices from mutation. I can't protect my heart. Sometimes that's freeing, and it's almost always pretty frightening. Sometimes there are touchstones to hold onto - and sometimes there aren't.

Each time it happens, I'm thrown into chaos. I never get used to it. I find one little bit here, and it connects there, and then there are clusters, and resonances. And eventually, you can build up a sense, through intuition and logic and empathy (and other things) as a vision gradually shimmers into being. The vision and feeling come first. Sometimes the words help in the construction, but sometimes words act as the via negativa - the thing that must be crossed out and erased - and then somehow reconstructed and rewritten, over and over. And sometimes there are no words at all.

I keep doing this, although it is fraught with difficulties of all kinds. I'm only courageous in this one way, that even when I'm frightened and hurting I keep seeking a closer, a warmer relationship with truth - and with the kinds of illusions that point to another kind of truth, too.

Ultimately, it only matters to me that this is the path I'm on. Sometimes it's a very lonely path. I change a little bit with every new insight and it sometimes feels like people prefer other people to stay the same. The essence of me - and I do sense that there is one, and that it is unique and eternal - is not that easy to reach or to recognize, or even maybe to like very much. But in this one way, I'm serving - as me, as the only me there is - and this has been my calling. I do stand for that, that path of thinking with everything I have.

"Thinking" is a placeholder concept here in a way. By "thinking" I include sensing, intuiting, smelling, seeing, imagining, touching, listening, tasting, rehearsing, loving, longing for, being repulsed by, paying attention to, ruminating upon, and playing with. Everything I am or could be goes into it - body and soul and spirit and mind - to think things through. Whatever that really means.

Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes I would change what I've learned for something else that I would highly prefer. I'm tired of being threatening to people for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes I feel that no-one will ever understand who I am and what I'm about.

Even so, it's worth it. It's worth everything.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Be Yourself

Oscar Wilde beams me on. Always.

I'm so happy to have rediscovered a quote today via my buddy Todd's And I Quote Blog:

Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.
~ Oscar Wilde

That's as pithy as you get, but consider it within its trinity. Hold that counterpoise!

To be natural is such a very difficult pose to keep up.
~ Oscar Wilde

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
~ Oscar Wilde

Nobody does it better than Wilde.

On the general theme, here are a few variations:

We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.
~ Kurt Vonnegut

We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves.
~ Fran├žois Duc de La Rochefoucauld

It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not.
~ Andre Gide

If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise.
~ Johann von Goethe

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
~ Judy Garland

Every time you don't follow your inner guidance, you feel a loss of energy, loss of power, a sense of spiritual deadness.
~ Shakti Gawain

At bottom every man knows well enough that he is a unique being, only once on this earth; and by no extraordinary chance will such a marvelously picturesque piece of diversity in unity as he is, ever be put together a second time.
~ Friedrich Nietzsche

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.
~ e.e. cummings

Rabbi Zusya said that on the Day of Judgment, God would ask him, not why he had not been Moses, but why he had not been Zusya.
~ Walter Kaufmann

Math Tricks

I love math tricks. Here's one for multiplication.